Falling into OCD's

I've found that when stressed, my OCD tendencies get a lot more prevalent. My dyslexia occurs at at much higher frequency when I am tired or the least bit frazzled, and this in turn this sends some what obsessive need for compulsive behavior to skyrocket.

During the past two weeks, these phenomenon have been increasing at an alarming rate. When I got to class I must sit in the same seat or I cannot focus as well. If I so happen to even graze one ear with my finger for any reason- I must do so with the other, at the same pressure, for the same duration, etc. I have to take the gum out of the pack in a very specific order. I have to use my post it tabs in a color, and directional order- so that the yellow and purple are facing one direction and the pink and blue the other.

When I was younger, I had a lot more difficulty with my OCD's, and much stronger impulses to do things, specifically to make things even, or to do something in a multiple of three. However, over the past year I have noticed a return of some of these former compulsions. Sometimes I just have to do something because of that specific number, usually an odd number, such as sit in chair 5 in every Econ lecture.

I'm not sure if my compulsions have increased, or is I have just noticed them more recently; however I know that they are difficult to overcome, and at time make it very difficult to function. The other day I simply could not do anymore work until I cleaned out, and re-organized all my desk drawers. And even after that I was so shaken by my OCD outburst, and so stressed that I had to take a break for about three hours (though part of that was dinner).

With my classes becoming more strenuous, over the semester and the next few years, I need to work on breaking myself of these tendencies. However, if any of you are even the slightest bit OCD, you know how hard it is not to give into your compulsion. If you do not behave according to the overwhelming need to touch something, behave in a certain way, organize something, or have it just so, you cannot focus. There is a strong feeling that something is wrong, very very wrong, and you cannot be at ease. Breaking these habits takes an immense amount of will and self control. I will try though.

Luckily for me, I do have someone I can go to who makes me forget about my compulsions, and just relax. Alan is amazing at getting me to let things go and not worry. Knowing that I can, at the end of the day, spend some time with him, allows me to get a bit more stressed and frazzled during the day. This, in a sense, allows me to pressure test myself- and see how long I can go without giving in. All and all, its nice to know that when everything in said and done, theres someone there to give you a hug, 'cuse sometimes you just need one.