Sweet Summertime

There is a lot of irony laced into the title of this particular post. First of all, it is not summer. It isn't even spring. Secondly there is nothing sweet about summer- I hate the season, with its sticky smoggy hotness, and its overwhelming boredom... although this summer should pan out to be anything but boring.
Yet, today I have been doing little but making summer plans; and they aren't good plans mind you.

This summer, because I absolutely fail at math here at Tech, I'm taking my first summer session of a two summer long endeavor, of community college math. I have been busily filling out and re-filling out my four year plan over the past few weeks, which includes such fun classes as organic chemistry, physics, statistics, animal breeding and genetics, animal feeding and nutrition, animal physiology and anatomy, physiology of reproduction, biochemistry, pharmacology, genomics, neurochemical regulation, and advanced animal genetics (just to name a few... I plan on graduating with over 140 credit hours). Anyway, for some of those classes (namely physics) I need the godforsaken math classes I though I could get away with not taking. And so now, my next two summers are dedicated to taking two math classes just so I can get into one higher level science class. AND because community college is retarded, I don't get credit for either math until I have passed both. Which means, I have to take math 163 this summer, wait and entire year, take math 270 and then I can get credit... and until I've taken math 270 (the equivalent to VT's 1016) I can't take physics. Does anyone else see a problem with this system?

Thank god I don't want to be an engineer. I couldn't handle all the math.

I've also been busily formatting and fluffing up my pathetic little resume for a summer job. I have been planning to work at one of the vet clinics around home, because lets face it- when do vets turn down someone whose willing to clean out the kennels? Plus I need to start getting vet work experience before I can think of applying to vet school. However, one of the advisers for my college sent out an e-mail about the Bureau of Land Management's job opening this summer in conjunction with the BLM wild horse program. The job consists of organizing volunteers, creating a new brochure, and other organizational type work. Both working there, and for a vet intrigue me and both could be beneficial to any future careers I might have. Now I just have to decide on the opportunity cost of each one...

The final, and possibly most important thing I've been thinking about recently for this summer is planning some various doctors appointments.
The first appointment I need to set up would be for my final HPV shot and not much of a big deal. The second, however may be a bit more pressing. I've been thinking about it for a while now, and I think I finally need to bite the bullet and take some action against how much my ovaries hate me. For the past few months the length and severity of my PMS has increased greatly. Now, you all know how much of a bitch PMS can be, and I have some serious mood swings, and wicked bad fatigue. It's just not a fun combination- and its begun to last about three weeks.. which if you know anything about the menstrual cycle... I don't ever get a fuckin break and I can't handle it anymore. ...so I think I need to see about doing something to make my ovaries shut up and sit down. If you've met my family, its obvious that our biological clock are on the fast track and HATE when we aren't doing whats being demanded (something else I'm eagerly looking forward to). Mine, obviously, are not pleased with the prospect of waiting at least another 7 years to do their job.
The final thing I'm contemplating going to the doctors for is something I'm not completely comfortable with, and maybe something I could be grossly wrong about. However, I don't think I can pretend something isn't wrong anymore. Ever since last year I've been to suspect that I have depression. It's not a constant feeling, and tends to come and go- but intermingled with my PMS (and its quite possible that it could be PMS, or the severity of my PMS could also be depression- I'm not really sure) I feel like it's strangling me. Sometimes I feel fine, like last week I was in such a good mood, and then it hits. Something like I rnning face first into a brick wall. Tears well up behind my eyes, and anything can send me spiraling to the point that I feel like I'm going to cry until I'm completely dehydrated. I tend to doubt myself a lot, and become very critical of everything I do. And when I feel like I can't take the possibility of breaking down any more, I shut down and become very withdrawn and apathetic. Last year between these phases I had such intense anger I though I might spontaneously combust at any given point. But last year I blamed it on environmental circumstances. This year there is no reason for me to have these feelings. Yes, I am facing a staggering GPA requirement that I cannot possibly meet... but everything else is going well. I have a boy whom I love, and whom loves me. Friends I wouldn't trade for the world, none of my classes are impossible, no ones died, there isn't any reason I can possibly come up with for these feelings to be environmentally influenced. The only thing I can conclude is some sort of hormonal imbalance, and this summer I think I need to talk to someone about it.

However talking isn't my strong point.